I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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