Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
