I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
