I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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