You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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