Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
