we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
