he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
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Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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