Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
