kristin has been a bad kristin
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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