my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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