very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
