yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
