conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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