you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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