She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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