I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
