Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
