She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He passed out mid-signature
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
