Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
