I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
