i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
zippers are such a cool invention
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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