I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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