The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We had to coat check the pizza.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
