I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
