I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
