she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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