Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
