I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
