im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
