Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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