I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
