Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
