it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i now understand why vodka
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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