He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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