we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
