She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
