I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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