is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
