"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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