when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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