i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize