he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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