Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
