no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
