Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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