i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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