Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
