You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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