when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
