1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
