I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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