GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize