U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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