I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
