3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
