i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
