went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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