..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
