i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
