my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
