I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
