we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
