I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
