ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
