My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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