You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
