Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
