she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
