This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize