but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You were trust falling into bushes
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
